Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins has just reminded us why it’s television’s most ruthless reality show — and this time, it didn’t even need a full episode to prove the point. Before most viewers had finished their first cup of tea, both Hannah Spearritt of S Club 7 fame and dance personality Louie Spence had already waved the white flag. Talk about efficient TV.
The show, which puts celebrities through what’s supposedly a “watered-down” version of Special Forces training (though anyone who’s watched it might question just how watered-down it really is), has always had a knack for separating the dreamers from the doers. But this year’s speed record for consecutive departures? That’s something special.
Poor Hannah Spearritt looked about as comfortable as a penguin in the Sahara. She bowed out before the second challenge, muttering something about reaching her limit — which, let’s be honest, is a bit like claiming exhaustion before the starter course at a dinner party. The cherry on top? Her pre-recorded declaration that she “wouldn’t go on the first day” because she “wouldn’t forgive herself.” Well… awkward.
Then there’s Louie Spence. Bless him. After fumbling through a hostage rescue scenario (and really, who hasn’t had one of those days?), he delivered what might be 2024’s most refreshingly honest reality TV moment: “I want to do an immediate withdrawal, I just don’t have the conviction, and I’m not dedicated enough.” When reminded he’d barely started, his “that’s what I mean” response was pure gold — the kind of self-awareness that’s rarer than a peaceful day on Twitter.
Mind you, they’re in good company. The show’s alumni of early exits reads like a Who’s Who of “What Were They Thinking?” John Barrowman lasted about as long as a snowman in summer — two hours, to be precise. Katie Price managed one night back in 2019, though in fairness, that’s longer than some of her marriages.
Georgia Harrison, who actually completed the 2024 series (shocking, right?), described it as “awful, excruciatingly hard, degrading, demoralizing” — and that’s from someone who made it through. She claims to have “almost drowned” during one challenge, which suddenly makes Spearritt and Spence look less like quitters and more like… well, sensible human beings.
The physical toll is enough to make a professional athlete reach for the panic button. Rachel Johnson competed with a broken rib (because apparently, that seemed reasonable), Matt Hancock developed trench foot (yes, in 2023 — some things never change), and various contestants have collected injuries like they’re Pokemon cards. Strictly Come Dancing, by comparison, looks about as challenging as a gentle stroll through the park — though interestingly, Pete Wicks reckons Strictly was tougher. Then again, trauma does funny things to memory.
What’s truly fascinating about Celebrity SAS isn’t just its ability to humble celebrities faster than a viral Twitter takedown — it’s how brilliantly it exposes the gulf between Instagram-ready confidence and actual resilience. It’s dead easy to judge from your sofa, quite another to face a 26-foot plunge into water that feels like liquid nitrogen while some very intense former Special Forces operators question your life choices.
As Spearritt and Spence head home to the comfort of their regular lives, the show continues its march of misery with remaining contestants including Rebecca Loos — who’s facing questions about that alleged Beckham affair (because apparently, military-style training wasn’t stressful enough).
The real question isn’t whether Celebrity SAS is television’s toughest show — that’s about as debatable as whether water is wet. It’s whether we actually need a show this brutal. But as long as we keep tuning in to watch celebrities discover their breaking points (usually somewhere between “immediately” and “day one”), Chief Instructor Billy Billingham and his merry band of tormentors will keep serving up the pain.
After all, nothing says “quality entertainment” quite like watching famous people realize they’re not quite as tough as their social media profiles suggest.
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