In what might be Hollywood’s most delicious plot twist since Netflix convinced us all to watch “Bird Box” blindfolded, Ice Cube’s latest sci-fi venture has pulled off something truly remarkable. His new “War of the Worlds” adaptation has managed to both spectacularly crash and soar simultaneously – rather like wearing Crocs to Paris Fashion Week and somehow starting a trend.
Let’s talk numbers, darlings. This cinematic experiment has achieved the kind of distinction that makes even Ed Wood look like Spielberg – a pristine 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Zero. The kind of zero that makes this season’s micro-purse trend look practical by comparison.
The premise? Ice Cube plays Will Radford, a Homeland Security officer who battles an alien invasion primarily through his laptop screen. Because nothing says “edge-of-your-seat action” quite like watching someone’s cursor hover over the “Join Meeting” button. It’s giving very much “2025 budget cuts meet Independence Day.”
But here’s where things get fascinating. Despite critics treating this film like last year’s fast fashion, it’s somehow become Prime Video’s unexpected chart-topper. The streaming numbers are serving more drama than the Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce saga, hitting No. 1 in 11 countries and peaking at 38 top positions on day two.
The “screenlife” approach – where everything unfolds through digital devices – has proven about as popular as Meta’s latest attempt to make us all live in the metaverse. Joshua Tyler of Giant Freakin Robot didn’t exactly mince words: “It’s noteworthy because of all the attempts to adapt this story, this is the worst one.” Honey, that’s the kind of shade that makes Anna Wintour’s signature sunglasses look transparent.
The audience score? A whopping 11%. Which, quite frankly, feels generous – like calling your knockoff Birkin “vintage-inspired.” ABC4 Utah’s Patrick Beatty delivered perhaps the most devastating blow, suggesting it “not only fails at being entertaining but fails at being a movie itself.” That’s the sort of critique that makes you want to dramatically remove your sunglasses, pause for effect, and put them right back on.
Poor Eva Longoria and Clark Gregg – talented actors trapped in what feels like a Zoom meeting gone horribly wrong. One can’t help but wonder if their agents are currently “experiencing technical difficulties.”
Remember Spielberg’s 2005 version? The one with Tom Cruise that earned $604 million despite only managing a lukewarm 42% audience score? At least it showed us actual aliens instead of making us squint at pixelated blobs through a computer screen.
Perhaps the most puzzling aspect of this whole affair is its streaming success. It’s rather like those platform Crocs that somehow made it onto the Balenciaga runway – nobody quite understands why, but here we are, darling. Here we are.
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