Nikki Glaser Roasts Timothée Chalamet’s Mustache and Diddy Parties in Golden Globes Monologue: ‘Stanley Tucci Freak-off Doesn’t Have the Same Ring to It’

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Nikki Glaser came out swinging at the 2025 Golden Globes, opening her hosting debut with a monologue that poked fun at Diddy, “Dune: Part Two” and Timothée Chalamet in front of Hollywood’s A-list stars.

She began her monologue by calling the awards ceremony “Ozempic’s biggest night,” and told viewers on Paramount+, “You have six days left to cancel your free trial.”

“I’ve got to say, this feels like I finally made it. You know, I’m in a room full of producers at the Beverly Hilton hotel, and this time all of my clothes are on,” Glaser said to big laughs. “It was worth it.”

Running through some of the top nominees, Glaser said, “Tonight, we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television,” nodding to the viral “Wicked” press tour meme. “‘Wicked,’ ‘Queer,’ ‘Nightbitch’… these are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms, these are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight.”

Glaser continued, “‘The Bear,’ ‘The Penguin,’ ‘Baby Reindeer’… these are not just things found in RFK’s freezer, these are TV shows nominated tonight.”

The host called attention to “the hardest-working actors in show business” — the servers, who are bringing the celebrities in the room their “cocktails to drink” and “food to look at.”

Glaser took aim at Denis Villeneuve’s sci-fi sequel by praising Zendaya: “You were incredible in ‘Dune,’ oh my God. I woke up for all of your scenes!” As for Zendaya’s other 2024 film, “Challengers”? “That movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card!”

Speaking of the disgraced music mogul accused of rape and sex trafficking, Glaser said, “I’m sorry, I’m upset too. The after party isn’t going to be as good this year, but we have to move on. ‘Stanley Tucci freak-off’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

As the cameras cut to the “Conclave” star wincing in jest, Glaser added, “No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil.”

Before praising his performance as Bob Dylan in “A Complete Unknown,” Glaser took aim at Chalamet’s facial hair, saying, “You have the most gorgeous eyelashes on your upper lip.”

Then, moving on to one of the biggest films of the night, Glaser said, “We can’t talk about movies tonight without talking about ‘Wicked.’ I did not know much about ‘Wicked’ going into this year, because I had friends in high school.”

“Everyone loved ‘Wicked,’” Glaser added. “I loved ‘Wicked,’ my boyfriend loved ‘Wicked,’ my boyfriend’s boyfriend really loved ‘Wicked.’”

Glaser, who was announced as host in August, is best known for her roast material — she was the undisputed victor of Netflix’s “The Roast of Tom Brady” in 2024. At the Globes she succeeds Jo Koy, who led the ceremony in 2024 with a poorly received monologue that touched on the weight-loss drug Ozempic and Barry Keoghan’s genitals.

Ahead of her hosting stint, Glaser teased to Variety that she’d be targeting celebrities in the audience who “don’t have a sense of humor about themselves.” “If I were to make that person laugh, it shows the people in the room, ‘OK, it’s safe to laugh,’” Glaser said. “When you laugh at a joke about yourself, it makes you look so friendly, so cool, so personable. I’m trying to help you out. This way you don’t have to play Hip-Hop Hopscotch with Jimmy Fallon to look relatable.”

In addition to hosting the Globes, Glaser is nominated for best performance in stand-up comedy on television, for her HBO special “Someday You’ll Die.”