Marvel’s marketing department has officially lost their minds — and it’s absolutely glorious. In what might be the most delightfully unhinged promotional stunt since that time someone livestreamed paint drying for 24 hours, they’ve blessed us with an 8.5-hour video of Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine… breathing. Just breathing. With some ambient music thrown in for good measure.
Let that sink in for a moment.
The entertainment behemoth dropped this marathon of measured respiration to commemorate National Stress Awareness Month. “Breathe deep and feel your adamantium bones melt away,” declares the caption, with the kind of straight-faced earnestness that makes you wonder if someone’s been huffing too much Infinity Stone dust in the marketing department.
But here’s the kicker — Jackman isn’t just lounging around in sweats. He’s decked out in that gorgeous yellow suit (minus the cowl, naturally), striking poses that would probably raise your blood pressure rather than lower it. Around the four-hour mark — because apparently that’s a thing we need to reference now — he recreates Frank Miller’s iconic cover from Claremont’s Wolverine #1. It’s the kind of detail that transforms this utterly bonkers concept into something approaching… well, still bonkers, but with a dash of comic book reverence.
This isn’t Marvel’s first rodeo with marathon-length promotional stunts, either. Remember that bizarre five-hour chair video announcing the “Avengers: Doomsday” cast? At this point, it seems like someone at Marvel Studios has developed a peculiar fascination with testing just how long fans will stare at their screens. (Spoiler alert: apparently forever.)
Speaking of “Doomsday” — there’s an interesting wrinkle here. While the old Fox X-Men guard (Stewart, McKellen, even Kelsey Grammar, bless him) are all confirmed for the upcoming superhero extravaganza, Jackman’s name was conspicuously absent from that endless chair announcement. Makes you wonder what game they’re playing, doesn’t it?
The timing’s particularly curious, what with “Deadpool & Wolverine” fresh on Disney+. Their new synopsis reads like something scribbled on a napkin after one too many chimichangas: “Marvel Studios presents their most significant mistake to date – Deadpool & Wolverine.” Classic Marvel, throwing shade at themselves while counting their $1.3 billion box office haul.
Oh, and because someone at Marvel apparently has a twisted sense of humor, there’s a jump-scare waiting at the end of those 510 minutes. Nothing says “stress relief” quite like an unexpected fright after spending a full workday watching the world’s most famous Canadian mutant practice his breathing exercises.
Look, maybe this is brilliant marketing. Maybe it’s complete madness. Perhaps it’s both — a beautiful testament to the fact that Marvel could probably release eight hours of Hugh Jackman reading the phone book, and millions would still tune in. In an era where TikTok has convinced us that our attention spans are shorter than a goldfish’s, there’s something almost rebelliously refreshing about Marvel’s commitment to these absurdly lengthy promotional videos.
Then again, when you’re sitting atop the entertainment industry, maybe you can afford to get a little weird. And honestly? We’re here for it.
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